Working Through Grief
Written by Gladiany Torres Perez, LMSW, CAADC
Grief is inevitable in life and it presents in different ways to different people. Some people feel an emptiness, void, sadness, worry, restlessness, crying, or confusion. Others feel angry or numb, while others may withdraw or have changes in energy, productivity, or appetite. How grief is expressed also varies by differences in cultures and depending on the severity of the grief or traumatic event. Grief can arise from losing loved ones, the loss of a relationship, job, or anything important to a person. Oftentimes people facing grief may avoid expressing it due to fears of being a burden. Avoiding or minimizing our own feelings can start affecting other areas of life including health, relationships, responsibilities, sleeping, eating, and overall functioning. So, what are people to do when they are facing grief? How does working through grief happen?
The First Step
The first step is to acknowledge that grief is happening. Next you recognize that it is normal. The feelings must be allowed to be felt in order to heal. One of the things people learn in therapy is that pushing away feelings or hanging on to them can increase the level of distress. As humans, we are not trained to just sit with our feelings and observe them. We often judge our feelings and try to “fix” them. Being honest with ourselves about what is being felt in the moment without adding or subtracting its meaning can work wonders. It may take some time, but ultimately the intensity and duration of those emotions will decrease.
The Second Step
Secondly, it is important to seek support and know that one does not have to grieve alone. Relying on different sources of support including but not limited to faith, friends, family, and being able to talk about the loss can help release some of the pain that comes along with grief. Opening up to others might also help one answer core life questions that emerge as a result of the painful circumstances. In addition to this, seeking support can allow us an opportunity to reflect on positive and cherished memories that bring a sense of comfort and can help in the healing process.
Distraction tips
It is good to find distractions and ways to self-care if grief becomes too intense.
Some examples include:
- Prayer
- studying scriptures
- exercising
- listening to uplifting music
- spending quality time with loved ones
- going for walks
- practicing hobbies
- soothing baths
- eating comforting meals
- planning fun activities to look forward to
- having structured and scheduled activities
- good sleep hygiene
- focusing on breathing exercises
- meditating on encouraging words such as Bible verses, etc.
What are some soothing activities you are familiar with that could potentially help with grief? What are some phrases or words that can serve as a comforting anchor in the midst of grief?
One encouraging Bible verse example is Psalm 34:18 ESV “The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit”. It is good to remember our strengths, resilience, and how we made it through tougher times as another way to cope and move forward. Reminding oneself that there is hope for a better day can also be encouraging. If you or someone you know is in need of additional support, please do not hesitate to contact Centennial Park Counseling for an appointment. Therapy can be a great source of support during difficult times in order to process feelings.
Gladiany is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker who graduated from Grand Valley State University. She has experience working with complex co-occurring populations in community mental health settings. Her own experience with a life-long physical disability has given her knowledge of hardships which inspired her to find a career where she can support others going through difficulties in life and give them hope. She strongly believes in addressing needs in a holistic manner, considering physical, psychological, social, and spiritual health as well as individual strengths to heal the whole person. Learn more here.