Be A Doorman, Not A Doormat!
Written by James Gerakinis, MA, LLP, Ed.S, MTS

What would it look like to be a doorman, not a doormat? On a few occasions I’ve had the opportunity to be in an upscale hotel or maybe restaurant where I am greeted by a person who opens the door for me.  I always get a good feeling when this “doorman”  does something for me that I could do for myself. This still conveys to me a message such as  “You are appreciated!”, “Welcome!” or “Let me help you get to where you are going!”

The problem with being a doormat

We all have also been in situations where we have been “doormats” for people.  By this I mean treated disrespectfully or used by others.  Sometimes these are situations where we are not in control. Where we have little power and we have to make a decision to use our resources to get away. Or maybe use better judgment to avoid getting in a situation where we know we will be trampled underfoot… like a doormat.

Be a doorman, not a doormat

Let me encourage you to be a doorman. Someone that opens doors of opportunity for others.  You may be a doorman by encouraging someone in your life, giving some of your time or resources to help someone in a difficult situation.  It may even cost you very little but can make a big difference for the person for which you are opening the door.  Sometimes, however, it may cost you much.  This is the time to evaluate the proverb of “being better to give than receive.”  I am increasingly aware of how much I have been given. It is time this year to see how many ways I can make the active choice of opening  doors for others by giving of myself and resources.

How can I make the change to be a doorman, not a doormat?

If, however, you find yourself in situations where you feel you are being trampled underfoot by others, it may be time to reevaluate your relationships and the boundaries you may have for yourself.  It does no good to continue to be used by others. Especially if you believe the other person will someday appreciate that you were a doormat for them to trample you.  It is much better to have healthy boundaries. This includes knowing when to say “no” or pointing someone in a different direction if they are stuck.  Seeing a counselor or confiding in someone you trust may be beneficial in learning a new skill to move away from being that “doormat”.

Open doors for others- literally and figuratively. Look for ways to help others not be doormats. You may be the difference if you hold the door for them to go in a different direction!

Jim Gerakinis, MA, LLP, Ed.S, MTS seeks to integrate his faith and seminary training in the counseling process with those working through spiritual issues or other major life changes. He is  is a School Psychologist and former Special Education Administrator. Learn more about him here.